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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
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| Subject: | . . . |
| Time: | 1:44 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | yesterday - the beatles. |
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Ok... I guess that i use to write only when i have problems, thing that it's quite unfair, but what can i say in my defense? i'll quote my dad's words: the sadness is easier to write than the happiness.
I'm in a hole again, i guess it was all about time... but i failed math, and i need a B so i can pass it all the smester. i can't deal with a failed subject, it's like the opposite of my personality, i have and i must be the perfect daguhter, it was like my brand when i was born. i can't deal with this. it's so hard, i worked so hard, and i'm drowing in this and i even if i try to get out, or to look after help, i guess that i'm happy enough in here, at least i have something that makes me feel better and in which i can blame if i do everything wrong.
sorry girls, i'm quite depressed right now... and not even the chocolate helps.
lvly
andie
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Saturday, March 13th, 2004
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Ok, i've to admit that i've so long without writing here, but i've been busy as hell! but i've to admit that i write this time because i've a new twist in my life
LOl
First, yesterday i went to this party with my major friends, and the guy i like he came for me at 10 and we went together to another friend's house so we could go all together to the place. We stood all the time together, dancing, or talking, or just together, it was nice.
Today he got online and we chatted, and he invited me to this kind of karaoke so i told him yes, and everything, and he told me he was coming for me at 8. So as you know me already, i took a shower, and i do all my beauty things the beautiful girls often do, but at 6 pm he IM me by the mobile and told me he wasn't going anymore and that he was sorry and everything else
*angry* he shouldn't invite me in the first place ... but anyway ... i'm thinking about what to do in this moments alone that i was supposed to spend it with him ... I'll do something truly good for me so i won't feel sad and lost in time ...
lol
Luvly
andie
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Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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You know? today it started just fine! my big time at Psicology exam, and a regular at my acounting exam.
later i had my best at boxing classes, and i felt great all the afternoon. My latin girls, my friend kincho and i talked for hours by msn ... it was jsut fine.
until i exploded and i confessed him. i told him how i felt and he didn't answer me... he didn;t want to answer me because he didn't feel the same. he loves his girl even if everyone know how she got him. she stole him from me, and he let her do it. and he still let her, because it's meant to be.
and i have to move on.
i wrote a shortie ... i'll post it here ... for you to see it. It's the most personal shortie that i've ever written ... and i love it ... and it's so sad ...
To Move On
By White Magnolia, right reserved.
It’s so hard to end something. It’s even more harder if that’s something is like stuck in your inside like whole memory that doesn’t go away. it’s even more harder when you feel like you’re dying with the memory, and it’s like you want to get out but you feel like there’s nothing outside it.
It’s hard.
And it’s harder when you find it out. When you see that that memory is gone, flying away from you and that even If you try to run to it, you can’t have it. it’s harder. It breaks your heart in so many pieces that you can’t find them again and bend it with glue. And if you get to do it, it’s still some pieces lost. And you’ll never get to find them again .
It hurts.
And when you try to walk away the memory comes back, and take you with his hands and bring you back to him. Where you’re safe, where you’re happy. But it’s an illusion. It’s a memory, it’s a dream.
But it’s life.
And so life it is. When you rest in the night, trying to close your eyes but something just keep them awake. When you try to eat but the food is just the same, and you don’t recognize when you’re eating, or you’re not eating. It’s the same for you. Because you don’t care what you’re doing. You’re feeling empty.
And so it’s life.
But you can’t believe it’s life, just like that, just like a bomb exploding in your head, exploding in your heart. It’s a bomb when you know so many things, and you can’t say them. You can’t do it, the true is worst than the lie. And they wouldn’t believe it. and they wouldn’t see you through the life. They wouldn’t see you. And you’ll lose your memory.
And you don’t want to lose your memory.
Because the memory is like yours, and you’re in the memory, it’s like a when you feel sick and you want to be healthy again, but if you get well you’ll be back to school, and you don’t want to go back to school, because with your sickness you get to stay in home. Where you’re safe, where you’re loved. Where you’re ok .
But you have to move on.
Some friend told me: it’s like if you broke a crystal, and you get hurt, but then you still are walking through the pieces, cutting you once, and again. You have to sweep them away. you have to move on.
I don’t have to, I need to.
Because staying with him just means to get hurt to yourself once and again, and again. Because with him it’s just a reminder that you’re alone and that he is with someone else. Because staying with him doesn’t mean a good thing for you and it’s killing you.
It’s killing you.
You have to move on. You have to breath, you have to walk away a dry those tears. He doesn’t love you, he didn’t understand you in the first part. He never did, and you did, and you still do but it hurts. I know it hurts.
It’ll still hurt.
And probably you’ll be feeling down in valentines, and probably he’ll never send you a valentine card and you’ll see him in the café with the girl. Yes, you’ll probably do that. And probably you’ll miss his kisses at night and cry some tears after a song he used to sing to you.
Yes, it’s quite a possibility.
But look at yourself now. You’re writing a sad short story for someone who just knew that you feel for him and didn’t answer you. You need to move on, you need to look after someone who really see you. It hurts, but it’s a change you need to do. You can’t keep loving him even if your heart tells you to. You can’t become into a Joey’s of your own Dawson’s creek chapter. You have to move on girl, because just after he left you, he moved on.
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Sunday, February 8th, 2004
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Yesterday i had great time! No kidding when i say that i spent all the night dancing like crazy and singing my voice out ... Pss... i arrived to the dorms at 4 am ... lol and i never saw the time coming!
It was great actually, i'm glad i went there and that i didn't spend the night watching and listening to my friend about his girlfriend ... I swear it's killing me! My roommate told me to stop counting him like best friend, but it's like, i can't do that, if i do that it'd be like if i admit that i feel something for him, nad i swear is not true! i just miss a little bit our relationship... do you remember? he broke up with me... i didn't... i still felt things for him and even if i won't go back with him, he broke my heart after all ... but god... when my life became so complicated? I swear i feel that i'm living My BEstfriend's wedding ... (Pss.. i need a gay bestfriend...)
The friday night i went to the cinema and watch Someone has to give... great movie! I love the actors! they're great! and so funny! I went to the cinema with Claudia and at the frist part of the movie DIane Keaton, who only goes out with her bestfriend and sister, sees a similiar women couple... but old! Clau and I just started laughing... lol we're pathetic but fun!
ANd yesterday before going to *La Cabaña* (the place where we use to go) we spent the evening taking pictures and laughing Vero, Clau and I ...
LIke i said, we spent a great time ...
Dead to evil Frodos and stupid friends!
Luvly
andie
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Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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| Subject: | Hallo! |
| Time: | 10:59 am. |
| Mood: |  ditzy. | | Music: | Don't dream it's over - Sixpence none the ritcher. |
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You know? i had great time yesterday. I saw *SOmething has to give* and it's awesome ..!! you laugh in almost all the movie! Those actors are amazing!
ANd when i got back to my room i had a crazy moment and decided to cut my bangs by myself ... my roomie told me they don't look bad ... lol i hope so ... sometimes i get crazy easily ...
The what? Oh! i wrote a poem because of the things that have been passing these days, it's called YOU and it's sad ... you've been warned!
You’re eyes were the one i looked after
Your lips were the ones i kissed to
Your soul was the one I died for
Your person was the one I loved to.
My lips searched you on the rainbow
My soul called you in the clouds
My eyes looked for you in their tears
My person looked for you in the world
Your eyes are looking to another eyes
Your lips die to kiss hers
Your soul feels happy with her words
Her person makes you feel in the sky.
And where I’m left to?
My lips are cold and empty
My soul is crying in silence
My ears listen to your happiness
My person doesn’t meant to be with you.
You see? it's sad ... but i think that even if it's not my biggest poem ... it's quite emotional ... because of all the things i tried to say ...
And i decided that my life is like Julia's in My best friend's wedding ... lol ... me and my thoughts ... lol
ANd the last thing: I can't smoke... !!! you know yesterday i had curiosity and i tried ... and i failed... i tried ... and i failed ... until i decided that i didn't have a reason to do it so i left it ...
lol
luvly
andie
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Friday, February 6th, 2004
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You know what i hate more than boredom? lol, when the people don't tell you all the true ... i mean, i know that he is back with her ... but why he doesn't tell a thing!!!! he just asked me how i was ... what did i do .. and he got offline! but when he was hurt i was the one who listened to him ... me right? hello? Geez... i'm quite mad!!!!!
Ok ... i'll forget about it! i'm going out tonight ... let's see where i'll go lol
luvly
andie
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You know what? I may be a stupid when i'm so close to someone who hurts me, and even so i have to pretend i'm happy for him, but in the deep inside of me i'm jelaous... Yeap... i'm a bad girl, and even if i try not to be like that, it's that everything seems to be like that. I'm lonely and even if loneliness is a great option, but i still want to be with someone, the right someone, not another who will play with me and the put me into the trash ... I think that i'm valuable, but then i think that maybe i expect so much and that i'm going through a path without end ...
Ok... i'm very poetic lately ...
But it's so much things! I helped a friend to come back with his girlfriend, and it was supposed to be perfect for them ... but then again i felt bad, becuase when he told me that they broke up i felt calm, because it's so much easier to be alone with another person (you know, to be both single) that one who talks about love for a girl and me talking about shopping... for example ... so i was happy... until he told me that: I'll stop thinking about my relationship, i wanna live it ... ANd it was like a big bunch of water to me ... I've thinking about relationships, but i've not been in one (well... not so long, but you see ... we're talking about right relationships)... or at least i don't even have someone who i like ... i don't have one ... and it's valentines next week ... and i'll be feeling so lonely ...
People tell me that i'm pretty, that a sweet girl and blah blah ... and that it's not possible for me to be single ... well ... I am! and it's sucks i guess... you need someone to think about i guess... that's the thing ..
Someone to think about ...
luvly
andie
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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
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| Subject: | Hmwk |
| Time: | 7:34 pm. |
| Mood: |  disappointed. | | Music: | Ironic - Alanis Morissette. |
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You know what certain things i do hate? when the people just don't trust in me! and this day my parents didn't trust in me ... but you what? whatever... i mean, i'm a free girl, and even if i'm not completely free i live 12 hours from home! that makes me kind of free isn't?
Ok ... i'll rest my case ...
Today i had so many things to do!!! FIrst, i had lots of homework and i still don't finish!!! but what can i expect about college? nothing more lol...!!
ANother thing ... you know? yesterday a friend told me a thing that even if it didn't change my point of view about him, but it kind of surprised me ... i mean ... i don't know ... even so i don't know why this is such a big mess... men are men!!!!
ok ... another thing? mmm ... i'm thinking about sending a letter to EWAC so they could send it to Frodo ... it's kind of shame... but i don't know why i'm going to do it ...!!! god! i'm 18! for god sake! LoL
I'm not normal... so?
LoL
luvly
andie
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Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
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| Subject: | My Info! |
| Time: | 6:56 pm. |
| Mood: |  dirty. | | Music: | I need love - Sixpence none the ritcher. |
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I borrowed this idea from sweet Dani!!!
LAYER ? ONE
-- Name: Andrea B
Birthdate: 08 April 1985
-- Birthplace: Monterrey Nuevo Leon
-- Current Location: College
-- Eye Color: Light Brown
-- Hair Color: Dark brown
-- Height: 1.64 meters
-- Right/Left-Handed: Right handed
-- Zodiac Sign: Aries
LAYER ? TWO
-- Your heritage: Latin, Italian, Spanish and a little from England
-- The shoes you wore today: Sketchers
-- Your weakness(es): Insecurity
-- Your fear(s): tornados
-- Your perfect pizza: lot of cheese
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Do what I want to do without even caring about the others
LAYER ? THREE
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM/MSN/etc.: Spanish: Dios!, English, huh?!
-- Your first thoughts on waking up: Don’t want to go!
-- Your best physical feature: Lips and legs, and eyes probably
-- Your bedtime: LoL … again? Lol
-- Your most missed memory: I don’t know really
LAYER ? FOUR
-- Pepsi or Coke: Sprite! :P
-- McDonald's or Burger King: burger king, but only the chicken burgers
-- Single or group dates: Depends… I like both
-- Adidas or Nike: most of them nike … but I like adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice
-- Chocolate or Vanilla: Both.
-- Cappuchino or Coffee: Mokachino
LAYER ? FIVE
-- Smoke: Nope
-- Cuss: huh?
-- Sing: Yes, but I suck!
-- Take a shower every day: Yeap, in the night and after my boxing classes
-- Have a crush or crushes: Sure... who doesn’t?
-- Do you think you've been in love: Probably not … I’ve love so much, but been in love
-- Want to go to college: I’m in.
-- Like high school: Yes...it was easy … :P
-- Want to get married: Sure
-- Believe in yourself: Only when I’m In the mood :P
-- Get motion sickness: Sometimes… bad nutrition I guess..
-- Think you're attractive: I’m not shrek, but I’m not Claudia shiffer … I guess I’m pretty
-- Think you're a health freak: Nope …
-- Get along with your parents: Sometimes, I’m close to them but they don’t know so many things, at least they think they know …
-- Like thunderstorms: Yeap… it’s cool to watch a storm!
-- Play an instrument: Nope… I didn’t born with the gift of music
LAYER ? SIX: In the past six months...
-- Drink alcohol: Nope.. even if in Mexico the common Is to be drunk all the time
-- Smoke: Nope … I cough a lot :P
-- Done a drug: Nope …
-- Had Sex: Never (I’m quite boring am i?
-- Made Out: LoL… *look away trying to avoid the question* huh?
-- Gone on a date: Yeap
-- Gone to the mall? Yeap… I’ve become shopaholic
-- Eaten an entire bag of oreos?: LoL… when I’m blue .. probably
-- Eaten sushi?: I only eat chicken and fish … including sushi
-- Been on stage: yeap … and I was freaked out … I may add
-- Gone skating: yeap
-- Made homemade cookies: I tried but I failed … my sister does them.
-- Gone skinny dipping: Never
-- Dyed your hair: Yeah … and I regret it
-- Stolen anything: Maybe from my sister only :P
LAYER ? SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Nope
-- If so, was it mixed company: nope
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope… I stay sober so I can laugh from the ones who are drunk … like Dani said, it’s the funniest thing to do!
-- Been called a tease: no that I remember
-- Gotten beaten up: Nope … thank god…
-- Shoplifted: No...
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Once, and I won’t do it again, if you want to love me you must love me the way I am !
LAYER ? EIGHT
-- Age you hoping to be married: Sure.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: twins please! LoL … and names? I look after weird names: Ivory, Agatha, Paula … boys name? still clueless :P
-- Describe your dream wedding: In autumn, that’s all… I want it outside… far away from my hometown … and having the best fiancé in the world :P
-- How do you want to die: with an angel death, when you go to sleep and never wake up
-- Where you want to go to college: I’d die if I could go to Columbia at NY. But I’m here … still
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: an executive
-- What country would you most like to visit: NZ, Australia, Fiji, Germany, Italy, I want to go to NY, Boston, I want to go again to London. :P
LAYER ? NINE: In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color?: blue or green
-- Best hair color?: black or a dark hair
-- Short or long hair: I wouldn’t care but I like curvy hair (because I don’t have it)
-- Height: Taller than me
-- Best weight: I like the ones who are skinny but have a little bit of tone … I understand myself :P
-- Best articles of clothing: don’t know …
-- Best first date location: Only a good movie and maybe later a coffee or an ice cream, nothing fancy for the first date
-- Best first kiss location: LoL… my lips are sealed
LAYER ? TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: None.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: Depends, I guess my sister ‘cause she is always there for me… but I think she is the only one
-- Number of CDs that I own: Lot’s of MP3 … :P
-- Number of piercings: None, but I want to have one in my belly :P
-- Number of tattoos: none, I want a faerie in my low back
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I don’t want to sound like a diva, but I’ve been in there for quite times
-- Number of scars on my body: One
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: There are some that I regret with all my heart, and other that are only mistakes… I don’t count them really …
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Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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I'm so tired ... i had a tough day... lol, and it's so cold!! i'm starting to hate the impulssive monterrey's weather! yesterday it was all sunny and warm so i thought that today it was going to be the same ... but nope... today was so freezing!!! LoL
What else? I went eating some french fries ... (for lunch, you know, my so healthy diet) and i help a friend in a homework, just to find out that i'm stock with hmwk... lol isn't it ironic?
LoL
I'm tired, i'm going to bed
nothing really important today ...
luvly
andie
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Monday, January 26th, 2004
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WHat can i say about today? Nothing really great. Again i went to boxing classes and i learnt how to hit in the right way, not that i'm looking after hitting someone ... nah!at least not at this moment :P
IN the morning i swear i didn't want to wake up and get ready for school, but as far as you know, i'm still daddy's girl, and good girls go to school (and get extra points on acounting :P)
I had this meeting of my major's student group, now, i'm in the registration commitee for a big event that we're having on February.... And this saturday we have a party for the same group, i think that this time i'm going ... sounds great ... huh?
And finally, i've serious thoughts about getting into theater... even if my parents wouldn't like it ... it's not that i want to be an actress... (nothing against them, seriously!) but i think it's like a hobbie...
New chapter at Un Monton de Estrellas ...
Luvly
ANdie!
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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
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Ok ... here i am .. .!!! Flower and Addry and Sun pushed me to do this, so i wouldn't be left behind, so here i am!!!
It's amazing ... i've always wanted to have this kind of journal... but i guess i just forgot, so i hope i won't forget this time ...!!!
What can i say? tomorrow is monday, what means to go back to school... i don't hate it but it's kind of *Not again!* thing ...
I'm watching Golden Globes ... it's quite interesting .. and well, the LOTR cast is in there too, so i don't lose anything watching them, and counting that i'm quite bored ... it's perfect!
I guess i don't have anything else to say, or do ... so i'll keep writing on *Un monton de estrellas* and a little bit for Magic Symphony (My beloved stories) and then i think i should do a little homework ...
Hello my latin girls !! Flower, and Addry and Sun !! I'm here!!!
luvly
Andie!
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white_magnolia's journal
sad.
hopeful.
uncomfortable.
melancholy.
tired.
dorky.
cheerful.